Friday, November 30, 2018
My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your beloved Dailey. Our paths crossed back in the late 1970's when she gave birth to twins. I was a nurse in the neonatal unit at St. Peter's. I admitted, and cared for both. I can still picture those tiny babies, and the emergency medical attention they both needed. I'm sorry but I cannot recall the little girl's name, as sadly she was not even on this earth 24 hours. He brother, Danny, in contrast spent the next 11 & 1/2 months with us. I was not the only nurse to bond closely with Danny, there was at least one of us on each shift. However, I believe my feelings for him went way beyond patient/nurse. Dailey, I, and our unit were planning his one year birthday. He suddenly declined, and unlike all the other times he struggled, we could not help him. I remember staying strong as Dailey was on her way, and did not yet know. I will not go into the details of her reaction. You can only imagine, and I decades later remember as if it were yesterday. All she wanted to do was take him to the park across the street, and sadly, despite my fight, the powers that be would not permit it. I remember getting her settled in a rocker in a room where she had privacy, and going into the staff lounge and losing it. Being a young nurse, I was already programmed to get myself together, and go back to be there as a source of strength for Dailey. I was honored to do the eulogy for Danny, along with 2 other nurses' commentary. The family included me in all parts of the service, as if I was family myself. I lost contact with Dailey. I believed she moved down south. I knew she had a healthy baby girl sometime after. I grieved Danny for months. I couldn't even walk into a children's store without breaking down. I carried his picture in my pocketbook for well over a decade. I did not have a child but in 1987 I named my dog Daniel. Even then he was still impacting my life. I realized this is what nursing training warned me about - getting "too attached" to a patient, and I made a decision to never let it happen again. The pain was too much, and I understood how that could both help, and potentially harm, a patient or family. I do not regret it. I was blessed to have Danny, the brief period with his twin sister, and the sharing of love with Dailey. She bought a mirror to put in Danny's crib so that he could see that he looked like her, and not me, so he had no doubt who his real mother was. It was a joke we shared. I was there when her little girl died, I was there when Danny died, with her throughout the process of making arrangements, etc., and now I am honored that Deneen asked me to be present for Dailey's final goodbye. The only comfort her passing brings is knowing she is reunited with her little twins for Eternity.
Sympathy and prayers to all Dailey's loved ones,
May God bless you,
Donna Kahora
